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Saulus.

On the Road to Memphis
that same shadow appeared to me.

;

I battle other things now.
I don’t battle loneliness, as much as I used to.

-She was never lonely for me.
I think that threw me–
suplexed me,
really knocked the wind out of me.

.

She stopped reading me and really that’s what did it.
It was you instead, and whole weeks of memory and expectations were suddenly erased, rewritten; rasped from the membranes of the frontal cortex, just kinda joyfully tossed about like an etch-a-sketch.

Suddenly empty again.

hmm.

.

.

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She doesn’t read me now.
Which is important, because this is no longer the voice of whispers in the night,
crumpled little heart shaped notes back and forth across the aisle,
tin can songs through fuzzy red string
from one tree to the next.

.

It’s an actual voice to the crowd.

.

.

 

;

She’s gone now,
but to be fair,
ehhh was she ever really there?

;

.

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.

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.Man I really got scrambled up
asdf

Man I really got scrambled up back there.
Man I really lost that work ethic.

Who’s gonna love a guy that can’t even keep up a sentence?

 

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Move to California.

What do I do from here?

.

I quit writing for a while because I just didn’t have anything left in me. No love nor god to guide me.

On the love end, well. She was off in some other city, having late night LCD Soundsystem nights into her city, riverwalks and city parks strewn from tip to toe in lights, No curfews, no lack of rights.

She said not to take it personally, that she was leaving the city, not me.

But I am this city.
These streets are my streets,
these potholed veins my blood streams
these bars the future haunts-

my
broken obelisk.

This whole goddamn time* reeks,
you know?

.

She was abusive,
though in this warped mind I’d argue
she wouldn’t have been if I didn’t let her be
and maybe she just didn’t want me to let her be
anymore.

There seems to be something rotten in that, huh?

.

My sister asked why she was here
i didn’t really have much an answer.

“So that we know what bad looks like,
for when I finally find good?”

.

.

hmmm.

 

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*town.

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