Diary of Repair

Evening Missives.

I shouldn’t waste the energy wondering where you are, but I am. I always am.

You’ll never see it, of course, or feel it, coursing through the ether around you

That I’m trying to be there too.

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Isn’t that destructive?

It’s a far worse drug than anything else I’ve known.

I must not really love her, huh? Because then I’d be driving the three hours

With the wind and evening at my back.

You’d be hopping a plane to new zealand, right?

Isn’t that the equivalent?

········♪

 

♫·

oh man is this going to hurt.

oh man

to stand next to you through.

oh man, girl-

that safe word I wanted to use

oh fuck is it going to hurt.

♫♫·

nah fuck that.
this song.
this song you can hate me for.
This one’s Kaying.

This one you must have hated hearing;

this one you can look at me funny through-
because it has a second funny through

of the time me and K___
saw Lou C. Key.

;;

-yeah
dancing in that two bit apartment
his momma owned;

-yeah ahhhhh
yeah.

yeah like it hurt to love you through that too.

…..♫♫♪·؂

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yeah i place alot of emphasis on things
so this can be the last thing
of any emphasis
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‘so go and dance yourself clean~

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its a show-

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(.fuck me and every other guy in the crowd
gonna try and keep up with james murphey at that part.)

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but i’m glad its you
if it’s the last thing i do.

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And you go
Stop, stop, stop, stop

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yeah i’ll give you that.
i don’t think i’m where you’d spend thanksgiving-
not home at least.

and it’s easier if i don’t think of the rest,
right?

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isn’t that what you want?

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DRUNK GIRLS!
♫♫♫♫♫♫
♫♫♫♫♫♫

 

ok. this is where i get off.
I’m going to spend the rest of the night to myself.

ciao, bella.
night, âm.

sweet dreams
& adios.

 

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Diary of Repair

The Shop.

 // 
(Field testing.)

— — — — — — –

I run this game shop quite good if I do say so myself, and a pity what this place would be without me. Oh I know that’s tootin’ the ole horn quite a bit, but I can read a room like a sundial- yeah it might take a second but that overall aesthetic is going to stay quite set for all intents & purposes, for the duration of the session of the hour; I vibe throughout this room just fine.

. . . . .

I’m home again. Meaning to write to you from work, meaning to fill you on my day;
meaning to think of you through it.

But I’m home now,
figuring out the mood.

♪♫

-Of course there’s a part of me that fetishizes every part of her.
Of course there’s a part of me that can’t separate her from sex.

Of course her signifier has gone and gobbled up all these other signifieds.

& of course I want to not be that
to let her be her.
To leave alone.

Space, aint it?

& so what if she’d rather live and die alone
than be with you?
Hey white Nationalists!
Hey Stunted Hitler Youth.

Hey can’t you just live and leave alone?
Or does it terrify you still
that thought of death and hell
that fear your dad put in you?

Are you afraid to die alone?

— – —

They say the best memories are the ones you forget.
The most preserved, all those you don’t mess up
trudge your muddy shoes of recent nostalgia all over
the untouched crystal of your memory.

I drag all my current loneliness
with me to view old memories.
Like babies behind the glass
and my whole ancestry beside me
only seeing bundles of joy
and not the raging hurling shit and chaos
nestled underneath.

You’re right, ain’t you?
That I should go and make my own memories.

It’s right, ain’t it?

S/A/N P.2//
& where i am now.

I am saying goodbye to my baby sister
and walking by my eldest
over the tightrop’d chasm of divorce.

I am watching my company not need me
and fly the coop;

I’m lying here naked
thinking about the GRE.

I’m telling dad not to worry about who won the argument;

I’m telling you not to worry.
I’m telling you not to listen to the noise.

This world has not stopped fighting for itself
and neither should you.

Because I very much believe in you still.
I always will.

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night âm.

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10.6.17

Diary of Repair

Gross Fucking Ineptitude

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Uncategorized

Moon Tower

We all think of someone drunk on the way home.

Who is yours?

And how do you convince yourself

You’re no one else’s?

&& Who drives you home at night?

Because you sw

__________________________ 8< – – – — — — —

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10.1.17

Diary of Repair

P.R.

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